why not to take back a cheating partner ...

when one finds out that a partner has cheated on you ... after the initial pain subsides ... the possibility of taking them back needs to be considered ...

the main risks to taking them back are:

i) they'll do it again - despite the protestations to the contrary, they may do it again, and all the pain that was caused by the initial infidelity will re-occur ...

ii) the person who was cheated on will always wonder whether the cheater will cheat again - and this will both take up their mental time, and eat away at their positivity ... making the victim a negative / unhappy person ...

iii) the negativity / unhappiness of the person who was cheated on will in turn cause unhappiness for the cheater - the person who had been cheated on won't be a nice person to be around ...

the best time to split up ...

i wondered recently when the ideal time to split up is ?

it's definitely better to do it in spring or summer ... it's a bad enough experience, but you really don't need dark days and early nights to make it even more depressing ... especially if you are moving house as well !

also, splitting up on a friday evening is probably the best time of the week - you've got the whole weekend to suffer the shock, so hopefully by monday morning you'll be in a vaguely fit state for work, without bursting into tears in the office !

22nd London Lesbian & Gay Film Festival - preview

a couple of months ago i went to a preview of the London Lesbian and Gay Film Festival ... the idea was to see clips of some of the films, to give viewers a more informed choice when selecting which films to book ...

i have been to plenty of gay films over the years, and assumed that this would just be something similar ... so i wasn't expecting so much campness, air-kissing, and semi-cruising at the box office ! it did freak me out a little, and i nearly did a runner ... but i managed to survive it ... and was very glad i did, as the preview clips were really good.

in the end i booked about a dozen films, and enjoyed almost all of them ... my favourite was probably Love and Other Disasters - i would definitely recommend going to see it when it goes on general release ...

not meeting new people ...

i suddenly realised the other day that one side-effect of not seeking casual sex through websites, as i used to do on a regular basis, is that i don't regularly meet new people ...

some of the people i met were not really very interesting, but over the years, i met some really different people to my normal crowd, some of whom gave me a very different perspective that i really valued ...

on a more flippant level, i also miss not seeing lots of different houses !

what to do if a guy hits on your boyfriend ?

so what is the etiquette if a guy keeps hitting on your boyfriend ?

a bit of attention is all very well, but after a while it gets a seriously annoying ...

punching the irritant seems a bit excessive, but maybe it's the best option !

an almost gay film ...

at the recent London Film Festival there was an unfortunate lack of gay content - but plenty of other interesting films to keep me busy for the 10 days ...

one of those i chose was I Just Didn't Do It which is a Japanese drama around the country's 99.9% conviction rate ... and a guy who is falsely accused of a crime ...

i was intrigued by the relationship between the main character Teppei, and his friend Tatsuo ... there were some very vague suggestions in the film that they were more than just friends ... however it was never cleared up ...

in the fortnight since seeing it, i keep thinking back to the pair ...

definitely my film of the festival !

straight guys debating how gay they are ?

i was at another wedding recently - mostly traditional, but with some modern elements [lesbian bridesmaid, and a gay guy as her "attendant"] ... and i kept hearing the straight men asking each other how gay they were ... maybe they were just unused to being around an openly gay bloke - the attendant !

i have occasionally seen the odd email quiz or website circulated, with a list of questions ... which result in a gayness percentage ... but i've never heard it being discussed by so many blokes ...

i did seem to get eyed up by quite a few guys ... so maybe they weren't as straight as they professed ... or maybe they were just suspicious that i didn't have a bird on my arm !

a place to see some male ass ...

i was walking past my local snooker hall this evening ... and realised that it really is a great place to see some ass ... all those guys bending over, whilst they concentrate on taking their shots ...

i noticed a few guys studiously avoiding the sight of their mate's ass ... very amusing ...

just a thought !

do you have a photo of your partner on your desk ?

i was sitting at a colleague's desk today ... and saw a picture of her [cute] boyfriend ...

and i wondered, how many guys have pictures of their boyfriends on their desks ?

my first gay wedding ...

i didn't really know what to expect from a gay wedding ... i'm not really a fan of straight weddings, so didn't expect a gay one to be much better ...

the location was stunning, which helped ... and having professional organisers probably made it run more smoothly than most ... and it seemed much less gay than i was expecting - there seemed to be just a handful of gay couples amongst the 200-odd guests ...

the music was great, but there wasn't any of the usual hymn singing ... and no references to god !

the table you sit at for the meal makes such a big difference to your enjoyment [or otherwise] of a wedding - and luckily at this one, the people were chatty/interesting/fun ... a great combination ...

afterwards, they avoided the usually cringe-worthy first dance ... and the casino to keep the non-dancers busy was an inspired idea ...

and after all the dancing was done and alcohol consumed ... bacon butties went down a treat !

now the danger is that i will expect all gay weddings to be this good ...

why do some gay couples get married in identical clothes ?

last month's Channel 4 film Clapham Junction reminded me of my dislike at seeing a couple get married in identical suits ... and it made me wonder why people have this sudden loss of good taste [you would never see them walking down the street, or going to a party wearing identical clothes] ? this behaviour is only acceptable for young twins, and even then, only just !

i haven't been to many Civil Partnership ceremonies, so have no idea how widespread this unpleasant behaviour is ... any information on the extent of this problem would be gratefully received !

do all gay relationships end up sexless ?

when i hear people talking about friends in long term gay male relationships, almost all of them seem to be sexless ... which begs the questions:

i) what proportion of gay relationships do end up sexless ?

ii) is it higher for gay male relationships than for straights ?

any information either anecdotal or evidence based would be welcome !

how to say no ?

in the steam room at the gym yesterday, a guy started showing off his erection - we were the only ones there ... but i wasn't interested, so i tried looking away to demonstrate my indifference !

however, that didn't seem to stop him, he kept showing and rubbing his hardon ...

i didn't want to leave for the showers in case he followed me ... so what is the best way to say no ?

social encounter with a prior encounter ...

so what is the etiquette of how to react when you find yourself at a social gathering ... and a guy you previously had an encounter with is there too ? i guess that there are two different scenarios

i) where the sexuality of both persons is known by others present ...
ii) where the sexuality of one or both persons isn't known by others present ...

on a recent occasion when this happened to me - type (i) ... i was able to avoid speaking to him ... however, i think a strategy needs to be devised for future encounters ...

masculine form of affection ?

i really don't like using words such as darling, dear, honey or any of the usual forms of affection used by straight men for the girlfriends ...

so, i'm looking for some help ... can anybody suggest some masculine sounding terms of endearment ??