bad distraction

sometimes i find myself in situations where there's a guy i don't find attractive, and it really puts me off my stroke!

on this occasion I even helped another guy get off ...

and seeing a guy come is often enough to push me over the edge ...

but this time the good view was outweighed by the bad view ...

and I just couldn't perform!

 

seeing the boyfriend

gym steam rooms are great places for partnered guys to have some fun on the side in a dark location!

and whilst in the real world I try and avoid partnered guys, in the steam room, a hot guy is a hot guy!!

but usually you don't know who is partnered (unless they are together in the steam) and who is single ...

the other day ... and multiple attempts ... we finally got an excellent session going ... including a guy with a porn star sized dick ... and another guy who only seems interested in the porn star sized dick ... and a hot latino guy ... and me!

afterwards my locker happened to be beside the hot latino guy ... and I noticed his boyfriend's photo on his mobile phone lock screen!

it's not oftern that you see a guy's partner just after helping him shoot!!

 

Steam Room Gap - Krptonite

Seven years ago a wrote a post about Steam Room Etiquette

It was really more a list of ways to help make things happen in the steam

But I recently found another one to add to my previous Five Point List

There was a guy who kept coming back to the steam, but didn't seem to actually be getting it on ...

Eventually I happened to end up reasonably close to him ... and when he was me adjusting myself ... he started to do the same ... and before long all of us were jacking off !

The moral of the story is that a gap in the steam room can result in other guys not realising that they are all up for it ... and a guy who isn't actually a cock blocker accidentally becomes one!

  

Watching

I remember a sex columnist saying that Bi / Curious guys are mostly interested in another guy's dick - that's what makes you different from the women that they normally encounter

I was reminded whilst in the steam room recently ... when a guy was sitting too close to NOT be intersted ... but at the same time wasn't overly interested ...

As I started adjusting myself ... and making my balls more visible ... he got more interested ...

He even (briefly) took his own dick out of his trunks

But when I moved over to touch him ... he told me not to ... but didn't move away ...

I proceeded to wank in front of him ... which he kept watching closely ...

It will be interesting to see if he gets more involved in future !

  

Visiting Gay Shops

"I used to walk around the block about five times before coming in before getting the courage up" says Rupert Everett about visiting a London gay bar as a young man

Which was fair enough as a young man in his home town!

But I was in Munich recently and suffered something similar when visiting a couple of gay sex shops!

Which is bizarre as I had already told my Munich friend I was going to visit them ... and I'm not young ... and I'm not closeted !

It's weird how my mind still makes me feel guilty at times

 

Can you spot a good sucker ?

I'd never really thought before about whether I could spot a guy who was likely to be good at sucking ...

I've obviously had my fair share of guys who were good, and guys who weren't so good ... and i've worked out a few warning signs of guys who are on average less good:

Young Guys - too self centred, or just not enough experience

Self Hating Guys - too worried that playing with another dick is sinful

Drunk Guys - likely to just shoot and leave

Guys in love with themselves - just not interested in anybody else's experience

But I've never managed to work out a pattern for guys who are likely to be good at it - too many just don't suck hard enough !

On this occasion I was in a cruising ground which is often good - but had a bit of a weird feel on this evening ... so I had low expectations ...

Then came along a fairly nervous looking guy ... who seemed interested ... so we headed off for the privacy of some trees !

And it turned out that he was really pretty good at sucking ... not quite enough suction that I managed to shoot without manual assistance - but pretty close

It was also helped by another couple of guys approaching who were already playing with each other - and the older guy shooting an enormous load 

Afterwards I shot mine, and the surprisingly good sucker seemed to enjoy having it in his mouth before spitting it out

The surprisingly good sucker then turned his attention to another guy ...

But I decided not to wait to see the outcome ... and left a happy man !

 

Dates with a younger guy

After an incident last year when a guy started playing a computer game on his phone after sex - I sort of gave myself a minimum age of 27 for dating a guy ...

The trouble is that lots of beautiful 25 year olds keep appearing on dating apps ...

And whilst they aren't normally interested in me ... one guy recently was ...

The first date was excellent - about four hours later we finally said goodbye ...

The second date was pretty good too.  Although his insistence that we not have sex until we had dated more left me wondering when it would actually happen.

The third date went pretty well too - by this stage he had his hand inside my trousers whilst we were in a pub !  In hindsight it felt a bit odd that I didn't manage to get hold of his bits, but he got to play with mine ... whilst still saying that we couldn't have sex !

Towards the end of the date, he asked me a specific question about my recent sexual history, which I declined to answer ... and this is where things fell apart.  We parted on reasonable terms ... but in text messages afterwards it felt like he was threatening me that if I didn't answer the question, then we couldn't meet again.

Quite a few of his messages were laced with "micro aggresions" - i'm not sure if they were designed to put me on the back foot, or whether he was using it as a way of protecting himself from his own insecurities.  Whatever the reason, it was annoying.

We met up for a fourth time, and the coldness between us was a bit shocking in comparison to the previous three dates.  It was incredible that the excitement could have been drained so comprehensively.  I told him that I didn't think there was any future, and whilst he protested a bit, I think he knew that it was over.


My lessons from this experience are

i) Try and keep to late 20s and above
ii) Guys who have such a limited sex life are probably not compatible
iii) Guys who are adament about a monogamous relationship, maybe aren't compatible
iv) Don't accept micro aggressions / high mainteance guys as being ok
v) Don't give up on the idea of a relationship

No Talking

a few years ago i wrote about steam room etiquette

one thing i didn't mention was talking ...

most guys who are up for fun don't do it before the start of play, so i guess i'd never really thought about it

but recently a guy was definitely up for it asked me "do you come here often" ... which apart from being a really cheesy line, also helped ot kill the mood.  maybe the mood would have been killed anyway, but this really was the proverbial nail in the coffin !

moral of the story - don't talk before cumming (in the steam)

 

perverted dreams

i guess i have some weird dreams ... but this one seemed particularly odd !

it may have been influenced by me watching a nature documentary just before going to bed - where animals were killing each other ...

but in my dream i had a fight with four guys (i'm not sure i've ever had a proper fight in real life) ... and i successfully beat them in my dream - knocked them all out !

but then i decided that i needed to leave them in embarassing positions ... so to humiliate two of them i wanked them off and left their dicks hanging out of their trousers ... and with the other two, i pissed on them, so it looked like they had pissed themselves !


how fucked up is that !!

 

Bi Monday

i've written before about how the Bi guys come out to play during the summer ...

but i've recently uncovered another phenomena ...

there seem to be more Bi guys on the apps, and in the steam rooms on Mondays !

i reckon that they've had all weekend with their women (and kids) ... and by Monday they are desprate for some man action ... or just for some relief !

let me know if you notice the same thing ... or if you are part of the Bi monday explosion !!

 

London Adult shops - Amex Shop Small offer

For the last few years American Express has been running a scheme in the first half of December to encourage customers to use their cards in smaller shops.  What they offer is a five quid statement credit when you spend 10 pounds or more - what is a damn fine offer!  This year it runs until Sunday 16th December

Last year i used the offer as a spur to do a tour of some of London’s sex shops - quite a few of which are included !  I meant to write up my findings - but failed.  This year I’ve revisited my findings, and have actually managed to put pen to paper ...

First it’s worth saying that even though I live in one of the most gay friendly cities on the planet, my heart still raced as i entered a sex shop for the first time in ages. You’d think that I would have lost the fear by now, but maybe entering a sex shop brings back memories of buying porn mags during my closeted years !

Anyway, onto the adult shops … if you’re only going to visit one sex shop in London, i would recommend heading over to Angel tube station, and going to a place called Regulation.  Firstly it’s very discreet - down a side street, and without big windows for people to look in and see you trying to select the right dildo for you. They operate a buzzer entry system, presumably to keep out the hen parties. Or if somebody happens to be coming out they will hold the door for you. Secondly the staff have been very friendly the couple of times that i’ve been there. In some other shops staff can get be a bit full of themselves, but not here.  And thirdly the shop has more space than others, and so it feels more relaxed and less hemmed in.  There’s a decent range of gear, but maybe not quite as much as in some others - it’s still my top choice though.

However they are moving to a new place in Soho, which opens on 21st December, and the Islington branch will apparently close a few days beforehand so they can move their stock across.  So don’t delay, and get yourself over to Angel.

My second choice is Clone Zone in Earls Court.  It’s more discreet than other shops, as they don’t have windows for everybody to see you.  The staff are also fairly friendly - although i wonder how many customers actually respond when asked if they need help (with their dildo selection). This shop is more tightly packed than Regulation, but it means they hold a good selection for a fairly small place.  There’s also a basement that you should go and have a look at !

My third recommendation is Soho Original Books on Brewer St.  It does have big windows, so people can see you inside, but there’s a certain "plausible deniability” about being in a shop with “Books” in the name!  This place is a mix of male and female sex objects, but probably more towards the gay side. The basement is mostly dvds and magazines and some other stuff.  The place has a slightly seedy feel - but in a reassuring sort of a way!

Also in Soho is Clone Zone on Old Compton St. It’s not very discreet, with big windows, so don’t go there first if you’re nervous. It’s a bit tightly packed so isn’t one of my favourites.  It also had a basement section which is definitely worth a visit.

If you’re checking out the shops in the Amex promotion, and come across one called Closet Case on Brewer St, don’t get excited.  It turns out to be a posh clothes shop!

There’s also a could of gay sex shops in Soho which are not part of the Amex Shop Small offer, as far as I can see - notably one starting with P, and it’s sister shop P Red.

Over by Old Street tube there’s a shop called Gear at 75 Great Eastern St.  Last year when i visited the premises it was called Expectations - but it’s now owned by a german company and been rebranded.  The whole shop is in the basement - but it’s quite open and visible from the street - so again don’t go here first if you’re getting used to whole gay sex shop lark. A lot of the store is given over to clothing, but they have a decent amount of sex objects, including some more extreme items. However quite a lot of their objects are kept in glass cabinets, which may keep out shoplifters, but isn’t really helpful for potential buyers. They also have a urinal on full display. And maybe taking a leaf out of the current fad for bike shops to have a cafe, they also have a proper coffee machine - although i wasn’t offered one during my relatively short visit! The shop is located in an area with lots of offices, and it felt slightly odd visiting it at 5pm - but i’m sure at other times it would be fine!

One shop that it included in Amex Shop Small is Fetch in Clapham High St - but sadly I haven’t yet managed to check it out.  I’ll update this post if I manage to do so before Amex Shop Small finishes.

Another place that’s included in Amex SS is Gay’s the Word on Marchmond Street, north of Russell Sq tube station.  It’s a fairly small, and a little squashed book shop aimed at gay people.

One place that I visited last year was Harmony, who have branches on both Oxford St and Charing Cross Road. I found the shop pretty grim - it seemed to be aimed at the hen party, jokey side of the customer base.

Hopefully something here will be useful.  Let me know if there are any others that I should go and take a look at.

another couple in the steam

i've written before about a steam room encounter where it transpired that the guys getting it on were actually a couple ...

the other day i was in a different gym steam room ... and it started off with a guy sitting down beside me and playing with his beautiful long foreskin ... but nothing happened between us ...

he left ... and another guy came in ... and started playing with his own dick ... but not mine !

i noticed that the two of them both had wedding rings on ... and i presumed that they were "straight" ... as there was a third guy in the corner with a wedding ring who kept starting at our dicks but not doing much - the classic sign of a closeted guy !!

but whilst taking a break from the steam ... i saw the two brazen guys sitting right beside each other outside the steam room chatting away.  straight guys don't sit on top of each other like that !

they seemed more interested in the overweight closeted guy ... so i didn't actually get off with them ... but an interesting way for a couple to spend their evening out

 

hot weather guys

with the heat wave that London is currently experiencing ... i've noticed something ...

new profiles have started appearing on Grindr - they have very little info (classic sign of closeted guys) ... and some of them are specifically not into kissing (another sign of a guy who isn't comfortable with other guys)

it's also noticeable in the steam rooms ... there are guys that seem so horny ... but really nervous ... and not just the usual newbies ...

i'm guessing that the heat is driving guys who are a little bit bisexual towards men, just to express their pent up sexual energy !

i also wonder whether some of them are attached gay guys who are normally monogamous, but who need another outlet ...

 

Ghosted

Urban Dictionary defines it as: When a person cuts off all communication with their friends or the person they're dating, with zero warning or notice before hand.

I'm not sure if seeing a guy three times - with loads of texting in between counts ... but it still feels shitty.

I had arrived back into town after a weekend away on the Sunday, and already had plans to go to a show that evening with friends, and asked him if he wanted to come ... which he (understandably) declined

We talked about meeting up the next week, and he gave me a few days that he was free ... and I explained that I was trying to see a friend before he left the country ... and after soring out timings with GB, I replied later that day suggesting the next evening ...

The next day (the day I had suggested meeting) he then said he might have to work late ... and suggested we try another day ... but I already had plans which I couldn't move ...

I explained that I had tried to free up the other day, but hadn't been able to ... but to let me know if he was free another day ...

Silence ... silence ... silence

He had already starting initiating less text message chat ... so in some ways i'm not completely shocked ...

Even if he thought I wasn't making enough of an effort to make time for him ... or even if he guessed that i was a bit dubious about him having to "work late" ... ghosting is never acceptable

I read an interesting article about being ghosted ... and it mentions "Since you don't have friends in common or weren't introduced through some other channel, it's not the end of the world if you just drop off the face of the earth" ... but the odd thing is that we do have mutual friends, which we had discussed at length !

And whilst it's unlikely that we will bump into each other - it might happen.  It will be interesting to see how he behaves - or if he even acknowledges me !

At least I found out sooner rather than later that he's this sort of guy

 

risk appetite

some recent articles / documentaries about the spectacular success of PreP in reducing HIV infections made me consider gay men's appetite for risk ... and whether we (on average) have a higher risk appetite than straight men ... and why that might be ?

obviously there are plenty of exceptions (i'm very careful) ... but thinking about the average person ...


gay men have more sex that straight men ... so does familiarity breed contempt when it comes to safety ?

gay men don't have families to think about ... so are we prepared to take more risks because we have less to lose ?

once you've taken the risk of coming out (and the possibility that your family / friends might reject you) ... and survived ... does your risk threshold get recalibrated to a higher plane ?

Ronnie Kray is supposed to have complained that his fellow gangsters went soft after they got married and spent too much time (in his opinion) with women.  since gay men tend to spend more of their time with men ... does that lead to gay men having a higher risk appetite than men who spend time with women ?


PreP seems to work (as much as it does) because gay men take it regularly when they are not in sexual positions ... where as condom usage requires interruption in the heat of the moment, with the chance of losing a sexual encounter

which would suggest that in the cold light of day, maybe our risk appetite isn't that different to straight guys ?

but once we get put into a sexual situation (especially if drugs are involved) ... our appetite for risky encounters is higher than straight guys ?

 

what counts as a date ?

a friend asked me round for dinner the other evening - but i couldn't go because i had a date ...

the next day my friend asked whether the date was worth missing out on dinner !

i told him it had been reasonably good ... and the sex wasn't bad either !!

my friend suggested that if we were having sex then it couldn't really be counted as a date ...

but i reckon that as long as you send some time outside (not public sex type thing) - preferably around other people ... even if you end up banging each others brains out ... it still counts as a date !

my friend wasn't so sure

 

how high is your sex drive

one of the things about myself that i've realised over the years ... is that i seem to have a higher sex drive that most of the guys that i've dated / gone out with

and the trouble with that is that it feels like it transfers some of hte power in the relationship to the other guy - if you're always up for it and they are limiting your access to it ... maybe this is what it feels like to be a man in a hetero relationship !

after finishing sex (on a third date) - i asked him how high is sex drive was ... to which he said "medium" ... which didn't really tell me very much

he asked me and i said medium / high ... as i'm sure that there are guys with a higher sex drive than me !

i really would prefer to go out with a guy who wanted as much sex as me ... maybe it would be strange !

and what if he wanted more sex than me - how would i cope with that ?!

 

why do some steam rooms not work ?

most of my steam room encounters happen at two different gyms (let's call them Gym1 and Gym2) ... the thing they have in common in that the steam room is located in men's changing room area ... so you aren't distrubed (either visually or literally) by women !

but there's another nearby gym with both a steam room and a sauna in the men's locker room ... but whilst i've had a little "low level" activty in Gym3, i've never had the same success as in the other two steam rooms ... so i tried to work out why ?

i wondered if it's because the Gym3 is a cheaper place - maybe the gays prefer higher class establishments ?
but the very first gym (let's call it Gym0) that i messed around in, and was an absolute mecca for gay guys, was in a cheap and cheerful gym - so i don't buy this argument.
in fact after Gym0 closed the male steam room, some of the regulars moved to Gym3 - but they didn't seem to last too long ...

another thing that's different about the steam room in Gym3 is that it's smaller than the others - maybe the close proximity of the door makes it too risky ?
i'm not sure i buy this either - it's amazing how quick one can cover up when interrupted !

the final thing i noticed about Gym3's steam room is that it's white !
the walls are white, the benches are white, the floor is white - it's blindingly white !!
maybe the colour means it's harder to hide.  or maybe colour influences behaviour - and we think we should behave "properly" in a white place - maybe it reminds us of whitewashed churches ?
 

 

is it bad ...

i've written before about feeling uncomfortable messing around with a bloke who had a nice dick ... but the rest of him wasn't attractive ...

my latest dilemma is a bloke who is perfectly attractive ... but who is a pain in the neck !

he's a regular at my gym, and often works from the lounge area - so i hear his phone conversations ... and sometimes he even brings a work colleague into the lounge - so i hear them interact.

he's has unpleasant old fashioned sales techniques ... and is just a cliche ridden jerk !

the trouble is, when he's in the steam room, and i'm feeling horny ... how do i stop myself ?! 

the staring bloke

there's a fine line between maintaining eye contact with a guy when your eyes happen to meet (to show that you're interested) ... and staring!  i suspect that i break eye contact too quickly ... but staring really isn't attractive either!

i was in the steam room the other day, and chatting to a former hookup from 18 months ago, who is always forthright with his opinions ...

he pointed out a guy who had just left the steam room, who was clearly up for action, and who i noticed was a bit of a starer ... but my friend claimed he was even worse than i had noticed ...

after a while my friend left, and the staring bloke was back ... and one thing led to another ...

later on, the staring bloke and i both happend to be getting changed in the same area of the locker room ... and there was a really beautiful guy getting changed as well ... who i'm pretty sure was straight ... but the staring bloke just wouldn't stop looking at him.  it was unpleasant just to witness, and i felt sorry for the straight bloke to be on the receiving end.

the moral of the story - don't be a staring bloke !